Tommy Dorfman, an actress and writer, writes a very honest and personal memoir called Maybe This Will Save Me. In it, she talks about the formative years that shaped her identity, career and emotional health. Dorfman is best known for her role as Ryan Shaver in Netflix‘s 13 Reasons Why. Her book talks about more than just her gender transition and battle with addiction. It also talks about the early relationships that changed her life forever.
A lot of the memoir is about dealing with childhood trauma, family issues and personal growth. But fans of the popular Netflix show will be most interested in one very emotional revelation: Did Tommy Dorfman date Brandon Flynn? According to the memoir, the answer is yes, but only briefly and privately.
Flynn, who portrayed Justin Foley on 13 Reasons Why, shared a short-lived romance with Dorfman during the early days of filming. At the time, the cast had just begun bonding off set in San Francisco. As Dorfman recalls in the book, a quiet cigarette break on Flynn’s balcony one evening turned into a pivotal moment. Flynn, described by Dorfman as carrying “boyish tipsy charm” and having “sparkling blue eyes,” joined her on the balcony, sparking what she calls an “undeniable charge” between them.
“We held each other’s gaze for what felt like forever,” Dorfman writes. “And next thing I knew, we were up in his bedroom, ripping each other’s clothes off. It was lusty and fun in the most beautiful, magical of ways.”
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Though the moment felt electric, it quickly became clear that the two stars were on different pages. Flynn, now 31, was reportedly open to the idea of something more serious, while Dorfman admits she could only offer “casual fun” at the time. Their brief romance fizzled, and Flynn ended things. Not long after, rumors swirled about Flynn’s closeness to fellow cast member Miles Heizer, who played Alex Standall. Though both denied dating, Dorfman couldn’t help but feel pangs of jealousy.
“Seeing Miles and Brandon so in love sparked an unexpected jealousy in me,” she confesses. “Perhaps even more serious feelings lingered for Brandon at that time, but I couldn’t do anything about it.”
This moment of vulnerability reflects a recurring theme in Maybe This Will Save Me: the tension between who she was, who she wanted to be, and what she was capable of emotionally at different points in her life. As the memoir unfolds, Dorfman details her early struggles with addiction — describing herself as a “coke-monster tornado” from ages 12 to 21 — and the healing she’s found in sobriety, which she has maintained for 12 years.
The journey to writing the memoir began in 2020, during the early days of her gender transition. In her attempt to piece together a truthful narrative, Dorfman reached out to family, friends, exes, and even old therapists to understand her past through more than just her own memories. “Memory is nonlinear,” she writes. “And I can’t always trust my own.”
That pursuit of truth — no matter how uncomfortable — is what makes Maybe This Will Save Me such a raw and courageous work. It’s not just a celebrity memoir; it’s a survival story, a love letter to the self, and a mirror held up to the experiences that define us.
For fans curious about the behind-the-scenes relationships on 13 Reasons Why, Dorfman’s recollection offers both intimacy and restraint. While she doesn’t dwell on the brief fling with Flynn, she treats it with honesty and respect, acknowledging its impact without sensationalizing it.
Today, Tommy Dorfman continues to evolve as an artist and storyteller. She recently made her directorial debut with the film adaptation of Mason Deaver’s I Wish You the Best, which premiered at the 2024 South by Southwest Film Festival. But it’s her book that marks a significant chapter in her career — one where she finally takes control of her own narrative.
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